Enter the House of Randomness
by lafoodoo
Summary: Naruto and the gang are stuck in a mansion! What will await them? oooh, spookyfirst fanfic! rated T for language, and some pinkness LOLS
1. Beginning

"**This is where we're gonna sleep!" Naruto said brightly. The Genin group were standing before a huge, dusty temple/mansion. It had broken shutters, cracked windows, and it looked contaminated. The doors were open.**

"**Why did Tsunade give us this mission?" Kiba grumbled.**

"**Because she hates us," Shino reminded him.**

"**Oh."**

"**Right. So we just have to stay in here for a few days?" Sakura asked.**

"**That's what the scroll says," Tenten said, reading a huge scroll that came out randomly.**

"**Let's get in now. It's freezing," Neji grunted, walking oh-so-suave to the large house.**

"**DUCK!" Lee suddenly screamed out. All of the ninjas jumped to their feet, crouching low and sweaty with fear.**

"**What is it?!" Ino cried.**

"**HAHAHA, I GOT YOU GUYS!" Lee screeched in a very feminine voice. Naruto sweatdropped.**

"**Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.**

**Neji slowly got up from the ground, dusting himself off before calmly punching Lee. "Let's get inside."**

**The interior of the house was as bad as its outside. It was dusty, moldy, and full of old objects like those giant-ass grandfather clocks and huge stairs. There were webs everywhere. Just think of those old gothic houses in movies, just kind of Japanized.**

"**It's beautiful," Sasuke said randomly. Everyone stared at him strangely. "What?" he growled.**

"**You only like it cuz its all emo," Naruto said. "Just like you."**

"**No. I'm Canadian," he insisted. Nobody talked to him for ten minutes after he said that.**

"**Whoo! I found an empty room!" Naruto whooped as they came across an empty, black room. "And there's a bed! I call this one with Sakura—AHHH!"**

**The blonde suddenly disappeared as he stepped into the room, as if the floor swallowed him up. Everyone sweatdropped, except Neji.**

"**N-Naruto-kun?" Hinata squeaked nervously.**

"**Holy crap, he's really gone," Sasuke muttered.**

"**Oh no!!" Sakura cried.**

"**Eeeek!" Ino screamed.**

"**Aw mann!" Chouji yelled.**

"**Troublesome people," Shikamaru growled.**

"**Bwah," Shino added.**

"**Hey guys, if you hadn't noticed, I'm right here," an obnoxious voice screamed from the room. They all went in and noticed a large hole on the floor. It showed a gray room that was barely lit. Naruto waved his arms down there, looking pissed.**

"**Oh my gosh! He LIVESS!" Lee roared, making everyone wince.**

"**SHUT UP! Can someone get me out now?!" Naruto said impatiently.**

"**Don't worry, dobe! I'll get you out! WEEEE!" Sasuke leaped down the hole, screaming his cry. Naruto watched him, wide-eyed in fascination as his rival landed gracefully in front of him.**

"**See! I'm here to save you!" Sasuke said triumphantly.**

**Naruto was boiling mad. "You IDIOT! You were supposed to get me out from up there! Now we're both stuck down here!"**

**Sasuke looked up at the hole above him, then at himself. He sweatdropped. "Oh."**

"**NARUTO! SASUKE!" Sakura's scream deafened their ears. "ARE YOU TWO OKAY?!"**

"**WE'D BE A LOT MORE OKAY IF YOU STOPPED SCREAMING!" Naruto screamed back.**

**The Genins' faces peered down at them from the hole. "Don't worry, we'll try to get out!" Shikamaru said.**

"**Finally!" Naruto muttered, ignoring Sasuke as the emo boy sat down on the floor, writing in his diary he always kept.**

**Above the hole, the Genins were trying to figure out how to save their friends. Chouji was walking around, when he suddenly noticed a switch on a clock. He touched it curiously.**

**A huge gaping hole revealed itself from where the Genins stood. Screaming, they all fell into darkness. Chouji, on the other hand, _squealed _as he too disappeared into the abyss with his friends.**

**Naruto heard their screams, and he nervously looked about. "Um, guys?" he squeaked. "Are you there?"**

"**Probably up there, ignoring us—" Sasuke didn't finish his question, as he suddenly fell unconscious. Naruto stared at him, bewildered.**

"**Sasuke-teme—" Naruto suddenly felt a huge pain on his head, and he let himself drift into darkness.**

**first chapter's done, whew! .**


	2. A Game

**Shikamaru was the first to wake up. He saw only darkness, and heard . . . a fart. He wrinkled his nose.**

**He saw the sleeping forms of the other Genins around him. _Troublesome people_, he thought. They seemed to be in a large room with absolutely no light. It had an eerie cold feeling in it. Or was it just because Shikamaru needed to use the bathroom? NO ONE WILL KNOW.**

**He heard a groan, and saw Ino sit up. _Whoo, it's Inooo! Dang, she's ho—TROUBLESOME! _He sweatdropped. **

"**Is that you, Shikamaru?" Ino asked. "Where are we?"**

"**I don't know. Let's wake up the others."**

**Naruto woke up blearily to a roaring sound in his ears. He became spastic when he realized that he was underwater. He flapped around uselessly, ignoring the large, ominous glow in front of his eyes. Swallowing water, he burst to the surface, gasping for breath.**

**He was in a huge, prehistoric bathroom. There were cracks everywhere. There was a lonely toilet, pipes, and a mucky window. He realized that he was in a bathtub full of murky water. He immediately stepped out of it, noticing a chain on his left foot that connected to a lock on a pipe.**

"**Now you wake up, dobe," a voice grunted. Naruto spotted Sasuke, glaring at him on the other side of the room. He too was in the same position as Naruto but . . .**

"**WHAT. THE. FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?!" Naruto screamed, gawping at him in amazement.**

**Sasuke had a bunny pink, baby night-pajamas on him. The ones with a foot covers. He looked pissed, with his arms crossed on his chest like a bitch.**

"**Hn," he grumbled. "Ignore it. Anyhow, we have to—"**

"**FUZZY!" Naruto screamed, pointing at Sasuke's pink, fur-covered feet. The suit had fit him rather snugly. _FUCK, I can't believe Sasuke's WEARING that! Oh god, give me a camera!! _He laughed to tears, rolling on the floor.**

**Sasuke was red with rage. He had freaking pajamas on him when he woke up. Why did only _he _have it on?! He foamed angrily, waiting for Naruto to stop laughing.**

**He didn't.**

"**ALRIGHT, DOBE! I didn't want this on me anyway!" he yelled irritably. His pride was practically broken in half. "And we have to get out of here!"**

"**Okay . . . okay." Naruto stood up, still grinning madly. "Hey, Sasuke, I think I see something poking out of your (snicker) bunny hood."**

**Sasuke looked behind his back. There was indeed a bunny hood included with his suit, with full pink ears. Blushing, he took out a tape from it, ignoring Naruto's laughter.**

"**It says 'Play Me'," he said, examining the tape in his pink, bunny paws. "Dobe, check if you have a tape too."**

**Naruto found one in his pocket. "I have one too!"**

"**But where's a tape player . . ." Sasuke growled. He looked around the room and suddenly spotted something in the center. "HOLY SHIT!"**

"**THERE'S A BODY IN HERE!" Naruto screeched. There was indeed a body in the room. It looked like a middle-aged man in a white shirt and boxers, lying in a pool of dark blood. He had a gun in his hand, a tape player in the other. His head had a hole in it.**

"**Wait, there was a body in here before?" Naruto said, suspicious. The two stared at the man, doubtful. The man sweatdropped nervously, but the two shinobi didn't notice.**

"**Well, get the tape player!" Sasuke said impatiently.**

"**How? It's too far away to reach! My chain won't let me."**

"**There's gotta be something!" Sasuke looked at the bath tub. "Use the drain chain!"**

**Naruto took the chain from the tub, and then took off his jacket. He tied it together to form a cord. He threw the cord at the man, struggling to reach the tape player. He threw it again, and again. Sasuke sweated nervously under his pink suit.**

**Finally, on the fourth try, the cord hooked onto the tape wire. Naruto pulled, dragging the tape player across the floor to him. He grabbed it and stuffed the tape in, pressing "Play".**

**An eerie, croaky voice spoke from the tape. "Hello, Uzumaki Naruto. I want to play a game." Naruto's eyes widened in shock. "You may not know me, but I know you. You have been living your life as a ninja: strong, reliable, determined, and gay. But, you warped the plot of the story, and changed all the badass ninjas to good, or killed them all. Now you must pay the price.**

"**Right now, you are breathing a deadly poison that will kill you in one hour. The antidote is hidden in a safe, and to get it, you must kill Uchiha Sasuke. Time is running out, Naruto. Will you kill your best friend, or die? This is your choice. Let the game begin." The tape ended.**

**Naruto looked up at the terrified boy in the pink suit. He was stunned. "Give me your tape."**

"**No. Give me the tape player."**

"**I'm not gonna risk breaking it," Naruto snarled. "Give me your tape!"**

**A little scared, Sasuke threw the tape to him. He put it into the machine and pressed "Play."**

"**Good day, Uchiha Sasuke. I want to play a game with you. You are a sick, cold, lonely individual who refuses to make any friends. In other words, you're a sad emo. There are many people in the world, Sasuke, who don't appreciate life. But _you _are just beyond medical attention to be helped. So, you are deposited in this room with your sun-head friend. Your objective in this game is to die. Die a cold death. That's what all emos want. So let Naruto kill you, because in the anime, you suck. Die, or DIE. It's your choice." The tape ended to a scratch.**

"**Wtf," Sasuke snarled.**

**HAHAHA, I finished the second chapter. Yes, I was watching "Saw" and I suddenly thought of these two. LOLS**

**Review please, and tell if you want the story to continue.**


	3. a new guest

"He called you an emo!" Naruto cheered.

"How does he KNOW?!" he screamed, tearing at his bunny ears. "I've been trying to conceal that fact for months!"

Naruto sweatdropped. "Sure." Sasuke was turning into an idiot. When Sasuke was an idiot, it was even worse than when he was a drunkard. He shuddered at the memory, and the constant verse of "The Emo Song" from the raven.

"Well, what do we do?" Naruto said.

"I dunno. What did he say to do again?"

"Uh, kill you."

"WHAT?!" Sasuke screamed. He actually looked scared. "Don't touch me!"

"But I have to kill you! There's no other choice!"

"What else did he say?!"

"He said to you 'Die, or die'."

"WHAT THE HELL KINDA CHOICE IS THAT?!"

"I DUNNO. CMON, LET ME KILL YOU."

"NO!"

"YOU'RE AN EMO! YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU!"

"JUST BECAUSE I'M EMO DOESN'T MEAN I WANNA DIE!"

"THEN WHY DO YOU CUT YOURSELF!"

"IT FEELS GOOD!"

". . . Does it?"

"Oh yes, actually, it does."

"Hm, maybe I should try some."

"Yes, you should one day. Hey, I happen to have a bottle of Scotch with me. Want some?"

"Sure!"

Author: "GET BACK TO THE ARGUMENT."

…

"GO DIE, YOU EMO!"

"MAKE ME!"

"FINE! YOU'RE A DISGUSTING, BLACK-HAIRED, DEPRESSING LITTLE WORM THAT DOESN'T DESERVE TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET!"

". . . sob"

". . . Wait, was that a little harsh? Sorry."

BACK TO THE OTHER GEEKS—

"I hate this place," Shikamaru complained.

"I hate you even more," Neji commented. "Now shut up."

"Hey, did you guys notice?" Sakura said. "We were stuck in this room for a whole hour, not doing anything?"

". . . True."

"Shikamaru! Where are youuuu!" Ino's voice screeched into the blackness. She began to walk around, searching for the lazy boy. There was a satisfying thud as she hit the wall, and a scream along with it.

"Dang troublesome woman."

"WA! Who said that?!"

"God said that, Chouji. FOR MOTHER VIRGIN'S SAKE, WHO ELSE WOULD SAY IT?!"

"I wonder who said that . . .?"

"Satan said that."

"HE'S IN THIS ROOM?! OH MY GOD, LET ME OUT OF HERE!"

". . . Don't tell me that was Neji screaming like a wuss."

"It was."

"I'm gonna punch myself unconscious."

"You do that."

"I feel a hand on my thigh . . . ! . . . Nope, that's just me."

"You're a pervert, Kiba."

"Shut up, bug boy."

". . ."

"Does anyone have a lighter or a match?"

"I got Lite. Need a smoke?"

". . . Neji? Is that you?"

"Uhhh, no."

"Then who said that?"

"Er, fate."

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"OH MY GOSH, LET'S PLAY THE LETTER GAME. You know, where you say something that starts with the last letter of a word someone else says? Okay, so Lee said Gai-Sensei. I say . . . Itachi!"

". . . Yes?"

A light suddenly popped up in the room, revealing the Genins, and also the cold face with two red eyes that belonged to none other than the mother of all hot murderers himself.

"HOLY 3#$$$"

"SASUKE'S BROTHER IS HOT!"


End file.
